Jesse's theological confessions an essay

 

 Thanks to Grammarly for playing a Part in writing and  editing. 100% my ideas 

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”-C. S. Lewis 

 

 

The sanctuary was quiet except for the gentle sound of water in the baptismal pool. I remember stepping forward, my heart pounding, aware that my small church community was watching. At sixteen, the pastor who had known me since childhood baptized me, lowering me into the water three times. For a moment, nothing else mattered. On that August 13th Sunday in 2015 at the Church of the Brethren, I made a public commitment to follow Jesus, the God I had been searching for. That decision still shapes my life and faith.

Inspired by Saint Augustine of Hippo and his Confessions, I am writing this as an intellectual and spiritual autobiography. Like Augustine, I want to examine how my beliefs have changed over time, reflecting on key moments and influences. My goal is to honestly share my faith journey so far, connecting my story with bigger questions in Christian theology and practice. I hope that by sharing this, I can better understand my own faith and invite you to reflect with me.

Now, at 26, I am a Protestant whose faith has grown and matured  as I have explored philosophy, theology, and church history. Building on my baptism story, I want to show how these influences have shaped my journey. As my faith developed, new experiences and ideas led me to navigate between different traditions and denominations.

a couple shout-outs  my church family at Grace and  Brethren, pastors, online philosophers  and a YouTube channel by the name of  Gospel Simplicity by Austin Suggs   helped grew my faith go check him out

Since 2025, I have been a member of my PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) congregation. I deeply appreciate my church family—the people, the music, and the faithful sermons.  where I took my 1st theology class for free yes you read that right free  While I resonate with the core doctrines, I agree with about 65 percent of the theology and continue to wrestle with some secondary issues. Topics such as the role of women in church leadership and the specifics of administering sacraments, including baptism, remain areas of ongoing reflection for me. These questions keep me engaged in discerning what I truly believe. Before delving further into these beliefs, I’ll provide more background.

To clarify my beliefs, it helps to define some terms used for Christian denominations. Roman Catholics are members of the Roman Catholic Church, led by the Pope. Eastern Orthodox Christians belong to the Eastern Orthodox Church, which comprises self-governing churches that share common traditions. Protestants are Christians whose churches separated from the Roman Catholic Church during the Reformation; major Protestant groups include Lutherans, known for following Martin Luther’s teachings, Baptists, known for adult baptism and local church autonomy, and Anglicans, who belong to churches tracing their roots to the Church of England. Additionally, 'high church' traditions, such as Roman Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy, Lutheranism, and some Anglican churches, use formal, ceremonial worship with set liturgy and sacraments. 'Low church' traditions, like many Baptist and evangelical congregations, use simpler services focused mainly on preaching.

Additionally, 'mid church' or 'broad church' describes a tradition that combines formal elements such as set prayers and rituals with more relaxed, informal worship within the same service. These categories—high, mid, and low church—describe a denomination’s style of worship, leadership, and theology. The Christian faith landscape is also shaped by theological and social perspectives, with some identifying as progressive (emphasizing change and inclusion), conservative (emphasizing tradition), or moderate. My journey began in the Church of the Brethren, an Anabaptist church focused on New Testament teachings and Christian pacifism. I still hold these values. Growing up in a small church and attending Bible camp fostered my love of reading. As a teen, I had progressive friends. Online discussions led me to identify as a “progressive Christian.” Progressive Christianity, which became more prominent in the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries, adapts its beliefs to modern culture and emphasizes inclusivity, including LGBT+ inclusion. At community college, I took classes one at a time to maximize reading. By my mid-twenties, I reflected on how legal shifts, such as the legalization of gay marriage in the United States, shaped my faith.

While I was questioning Progressivism, I came across Preston Sprinkle, a New Testament scholar. His books challenged my progressive beliefs and showed me how much culture and relationships can shape what we believe. This marked another turning point in my faith and prepared me for further reflection on traditional views.

These new perspectives led me to a more traditional view of marriage, though I am still committed to loving my LGBT+ neighbors. This change made me realize how easily political ideas, theology, and personal relationships can shape our faith, reminding me of the saying that the human heart is like an idol factory. This realization prompts me to think carefully about the influences behind each belief.

With this background, my evolving experiences and beliefs continue to shape my perspective. To clarify my viewpoint as I continue, I will define key terms in faith and theology. Understanding these terms will help you follow my journey and the beliefs and traditions I discuss. Understanding these concepts is crucial as I delve deeper into my theological perspective.

For example, Reformed theology teaches that God is in control of everything and that the Bible is the highest authority. Salvation comes through God’s grace, not our own efforts, and believers are called to share Jesus’s message. This tradition is also known as Covenant theology, which focuses on God’s promises from Adam to Jesus. There are different branches, but GotQuestions.org lists the main themes as the authority of Scripture, God’s control, salvation by grace through Christ, and sharing the faith. The Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), the Dutch Reformed Church, and others follow Reformed theology. These definitions will be important as I describe my journey in the next sections.

Identifying as a moderate Calvinist, I deeply value the God-centered focus of Reformed theology, though I do not make predestination my central belief. Instead, I try to balance elements like predestination, the sacraments, and daily practice. Some moderate Calvinists question 'limited atonement,' the idea that Jesus died only for the chosen. I tend to believe that Jesus’s death is enough for everyone, but only effective for the elect. I still wrestle with questions about theological election, as did the Dutch Reformed churches in the early 1600s. This deepens the complexity of my journey. Remonstrates, followers of Jacobus Arminius, stressed free will and thought grace could be resisted. Gomarists, followers of Franciscus Gomarus, believed salvation depends on God’s predestining grace. This debate is at the heart of the Arminian-Calvinist divide. Because of the Fall, people are seen as totally depraved and unable to achieve salvation on their own. God must start the process. Through "prevenient grace," God removes Adam's guilt, allowing people to respond to Him. This controversy led to the Synod of Dort (1618–1619), which established Calvinism in Dutch Reformed churches. These debates still shape Protestant views on salvation, free will, and God’s control. The Westminster Assembly in England, which wrote the Westminster Confession, also shows these Reformed ideas. Many Calvinistic Anglicans, German Reformed, and English Presbyterians are moderate Calvinists. I accept the main doctrines but do not follow every strict interpretation. I aim for a balance between tradition and broader views. I consider myself very ecumenical, as Britannica defines it: ecumenism is an effort to bring Christians and churches together for harmony and cooperation. The word comes from the Greek "oikoumene," meaning "the inhabited world," and highlights Christians' shared faith and mission. Today, I attend a PCA church and enjoy its longer, Bible-focused sermons and the fellowship with friends. This fits me well. I am also interested in Reformed Anglican theology. As an ambivert, I balance introverted and extroverted sides to fit social situations and my mood. This often shapes why I like my church’s Sunday school and community layout.  

To explain my theological interests further, the Gospel Coalition says, "Anglican theology is historically rooted in the documents that were developed in the period of the English Reformation. Most importantly, these include the Thirty-nine Articles, the Homilies, and the Book of Common Prayer." These texts still shape Anglican identity around the world and provide the main theological and liturgical foundation for Anglicans today, which is why they matter to my current faith interests.

The Thirty-nine Articles state the Church of England’s main beliefs, and the Book of Common Prayer gives Anglicans their liturgy. Archbishop Cranmer wrote the Articles in 1553 to clarify doctrine and avoid controversy. Some of the content came from the Thirteen Articles of 1538, which sought common ground with German Lutheran churches influenced by the Augsburg Confession. While this might be controversial among my PCA friends, I value using icons as visual aids. I keep a crucifix in my room, like many Lutherans, Eastern Orthodox, Roman Catholics, and some Anglicans. I understand both sides of the debate. I support icons because they remind me of faith. I do not pray to, ask through, or believe in the Intercession of  the saints. As for saints in heaven, I do not see them as watching or interacting with us directly. I respect those who pray to the saints, and I think we can learn from the examples of faith that saints in church history have set for us.
The communion of the saints means that believers from the past, present, and future all share the same salvation in Jesus Christ. Those who have died and are now with Christ have the same salvation as believers who are alive today. Those who come after us will share in this same salvation, too.

From a PCA church perspective, "Reformed Christians affirm the real presence of Christ, but this presence is not physical; it is spiritual" (https://www.trinityjohnstown.com/).

Some issues I haven’t studied in depth include the end times and women in church leadership. Although I am currently listening to an audiobook by Sprinkle called From Genesis to Junia: An Honest Search for What the Bible Really Says About Women in Leadership, I still have more to learn. For example, when it comes to the end times, I find myself genuinely curious but sometimes overwhelmed by the many interpretations in Christianity. I wonder about the meaning and significance of different prophetic passages and how they should shape my faith day to day. Regarding women in church leadership, I am beginning to see more nuance than I expected, and I still have lingering questions about interpretation and application. I’m open to learning more and hearing from others about their perspectives and experiences with these topics.

As I wrap up this essay, I admit that my theological views are still growing. Questioning and talking with others has shaped my faith and continues to be a big part of my journey. I welcome your stories, thoughts, and questions because I believe we can grow by seeking truth together. I’d love to hear about your experiences with different denominations and church traditions, as well as any theological questions you’re wrestling with. Please feel free to share your perspective and join the conversation so we can encourage each other along the way.

 Dftba and God Bless!