The Pilgrimage of my heart + a book suggestion

 The Pilgrimage of my heart, a lifelong journey (thus far)

I was born in 1999, so I'm 26 years old at the time I'm writing this. Hence the title:  A few things you should keep in mind before this quest begins.  I was born with a disability, Mild Cerebral Palsy. What is that? Mild cerebral palsy refers to motor impairments caused by mild damage to the developing brain. Because the damage is not as severe, motor impairments may go unrecognized in the early years of childhood. My right side is affected.

And what is a Pilgrimage? from Bible Hub: "A spiritual pilgrimage is a journey undertaken to deepen one's faith and draw closer to God. It is both a physical and spiritual endeavor.  Spiritual pilgrimage is a metaphor for the Christian life, which is often described as a journey toward holiness and eternal life with God. It involves leaving behind sin and worldly attachments, seeking God's presence, and growing in faith and virtue. Pilgrimage is an expression of the believer's longing for communion with God and the ultimate fulfillment of His promises.\

And that I'm a very outgoing, ambivert (An ambivert is a person who exhibits traits of both introversion and extroversion, allowing them to feel comfortable in both social and solitary settings).  I'm a very smart guy very nerdy guy, so much so that I took AP (advanced placement) Government class in high school for the heck of it, so the fun at parties type of guy. I graduated with the help of a very special aide in high school who was with me all 4 years of high school and ICC with high honors. I'm thankful for that, but I wasn't feeling that great... after high school graduation in 2018, I missed high school the good times and my friends there. In High school and social media, I was still on Facebook too much.

 Overwhelmed with college in the fall of 2018 took too many classes had a crush that didn't end the way i wanted but it turned out for best  I remember thinking i wasn't going date 2nd semester of college and back in high school I had envious feelings towards a crush who had a boyfriend so she was romantically unattainable and was dealing my own mental heath struggles (I know I know I made poor choices I'm still have regret of what i have done and of the way I treated her and I made a huge fool out of myself I still pray for her, I wish her well )Jesus sill loves both of us  That didn't end very well I had Snapchat too. Got rid of both of my accounts (because it's Snapchat eww) from 2017- 2022, 2023-2024. I liked girls who didn't feel the same way (no fault on their part, by the way, I pray the best for them). However,I thought it was super cool to not date in high school.

 I would talk on and on endlessly about it. Still, I went on a mock speed dating class session, so I joked to the principal, who knew me, "I dated' in high school and in early college, I was still obsessed with Facebook. I gained 1000+ "friends". I would post about Libertarian politics and even Christianity way too much. And I thought flirting would be best done through social media. I was dead wrong. During early 2020, before the COVID-19 Pandemic Lockdowns, I tried an online Dating App called United Young, now called "Holy." I only chatted with one girl, whom I won't name, who lived out of reach, and I only remember that it was nice talking to her. I wish her nothing but the best.  I tried other dating apps on and off for a while, including Facebook Dating, and got pretty much the same results. I got rid of Facebook (that's a whole other blog post.)

I'm still glad I didn't date at such a young age.

As I write this, all I have to think is how could I be, but I'm reminded by God's word,   "Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it is unwise of you to ask about this." (Ecclesiastes 7:10)

Now, if I do date and get married by the Grace of God, here are 5 things that I want my future wife to know.

Number 5, we'll be patient with each other.

When I was young, I got the nickname "Messy-Jesse." It stuck so much that I used it for this blog URL. My family didn't yell when I got food on my face when I was little and not so little. All of this to say I'm a human sinner, I screw up more often than I should, I cuss a little. I forget things sometimes, big things. I don't have a perfect relationship. I am a hypocrite. I still spend too much time on my phone and pc on YouTube and Goodreads, etc In short, "I have baggage. And you will too. That's okay, and we'll trust in Jesus to carry our load and each other, too. Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Number 4, I want us to be a normal Christian couple. 

I want to be your friend before and/or while dating you. Meaning get to know you as a human being not just for my own selfish  sexual conquest and desires ( i am not saying Sex is bad far from it  it's a gift from God ) I'm looking forward every aspect of   married life“as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)

Number 3 less drama i'm 26 i have way less time for dating "games" than when i was a young teenager into my  20s longing for a date, a kiss and something more now i still want that but even more so now companionship i just want to be happy with the one i love Ecclesiastes 9:9 (Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun)

Number 2, we will have a life outside our relationship that will help us grow closer to Jesus and grow closer together, Philippians 1:9. {And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,}

Number 1 We'll see each other as equals and love each other as such (Galatians 3:28) (There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.)

It won't matter if either one of us or both has a disability. We still love each other the same. 

(2 Peter 3:18) (But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.)

1 We'll see each other as equals and love each other as such (Galatians 3:28) (There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.)

Here are some song lyrics.  

From David Dunn, "Grace will lead me home."

"When I've been there ten thousand years

And Mercy's dried off every tear

My debt was paid, but still, I'll owe

My life to Grace, who led me home

Through every trial, I have come

You were the shelter through every storm

God, you were with me all along."

At the end of the day, single or married it's ultimately God's grace that will carry me to heaven by the blood of Jesus but for right now you called me here me below and you are forever mine   I'll work on being like Jesus and trusting him and I'll keep on this journey one step at a time.

A great book to read that shaped my thinking is called 

The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why? By Gary Thomas 

https://www.flintrehab.com/very-mild-cerebral-palsy/

https://biblehub.com/topical/t/the_importance_of_spiritual_pilgrimage.htm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3WeqqTKqhU&t=4s

From David Dunn, "Grace will lead me home" YouTube